Pop culture abounds with songs purporting to express love but more likely expressing attachment than love. In order to build healthy relationships, it is vital to understand this distinction between attachment and love.
Emotional attachment refers to an attachment which places sentimental value on someone or something and can be harmful and unhealthy in relationships.
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1. You feel anxious when they are not around
Many people mistake love and attachment, particularly in new relationships. People want to believe they’re in love but may actually be more attached than in love.
Emotional attachment refers to our strong feelings for people, behaviors and possessions that have significance to us; such as holding onto items with sentimental value from special individuals like rings or pens they gave us as presents.
Unhealthy attachment often manifests itself through needing their partner physically close at all times and being constantly accountable. This leads to an unhealthy relationship that hampers both parties and ultimately limits your growth as individuals and partners alike.
2. You get jealous when they talk to someone else
Jealousy is one of the telltale signs that someone has attached themselves to you instead of truly loving them. If you become jealous when your significant other speaks with their friends or text their ex, or spends time with other people outside your relationship, that could be an indicator that there is unhealthy attachment taking place between yourself and them.
Genuine love should be selfless and focused on making the other person happy, while unhealthy attachment is self-centered and focused on meeting your own personal needs and wants.
Attachment is often formed out of fear and can lead to possessiveness, insecurity and control issues within relationships. If these symptoms appear in yours it is crucial that you recognize and seek assistance as otherwise it could turn toxic over time resulting in toxic relationships – read up more about attachment and love here!
3. You want to change them
People who become overly emotionally attached can struggle to recognize that they have an issue; they may believe they simply care deeply for someone, which could be true; however, when these feelings become obsessive they can be damaging for all parties involved.
Unhealthy attachment patterns often develop from insecure childhood experiences and can have detrimental effects on adult relationships in various ways, including unhealthy obsessions and jealousy. People with unhealthy attachment styles are likely to become hyper-focused on their partners, scrutinizing and leaping to negative conclusions about them without adequate care for self. This can result in unnecessary jealousy as well as poor mental health outcomes for them – making for particularly damaging effects when combined with avoidant or disorganized attachment styles, leading to low self-esteem and reduced quality of life for them.
4. You want to make them happy
Love relationships should focus on making each partner happy, not on controlling or telling them what to do. You want the other person to reach their fullest potential as they pursue their dreams and goals – you want them to take control of their lives without being told what to do by you or another.
An attachment relationship involves having the desire to keep someone close, to always know where they are and get jealous when they spend time with someone else. This does not stem from love; rather, it comes from wanting them safe and secure in the relationship.
Understand the differences between love and attachment to ensure you can maintain healthy relationships. If you feel unloved in any one relationship, perhaps taking a step back can be beneficial and beginning anew is best suited.
5. You want to spend more time with them
Love does not seek to control, rather it encourages their independence and is content for them to find happiness elsewhere in life. Attachment on the other hand comes from neediness and grips tightly from a selfish motive.
Example: If you find yourself wanting your partner more than ever and relying on them at all times, this could be a telltale sign of attachment rather than true love. Over time this could create unhealthy dependence in your relationship and lead to frequent problems resurfacing; leaving you feeling empty and disappointed as a result and potentially moving on in search of another “love”.
6. You plan your future with them
Many people conflate love with attachment. Pop culture abounds with “love songs” that actually express attachment rather than true romantic love.
Love means wanting the person in your life for mutual affection and caring purposes, yet also respecting their independence to pursue other aspects of their lives in pursuit of personal satisfaction and ensuring their wellbeing – this is healthy and part of loving someone.
However, when you begin planning for the future with them it can be seen as an indication of unhealthy attachment. Clinginess comes from insecurity and not true love itself – in fact it can even become toxic for relationships; better off to let go and move forward without suffering through this pain of attachment.
7. You don’t want to let them go
Love is selfless; it seeks to ensure the happiness of both parties involved in a relationship. Attachment on the other hand is built around need and desire.
If you find yourself craving their presence constantly and becoming anxious when they’re absent, that could be a telltale sign of attachment. Furthermore, feeling jealous whenever they talk to other people could indicate the same feeling of infatuation.
If you are in love, the goal should be to empower and respect each partner as individuals; if however, your partner seems controlling, this may indicate unhealthy attachment and it is essential that both parties involved recognize this difference between love and attachment – it must not be mutual.
