Emotionally unavailable people typically struggle to establish intimacy through physical touch and deep conversation, according to experts. They also tend to avoid commitment.
If you’re dating someone who struggles with building intimate relationships, be wary of these 8 indicators that they may be emotionally unavailable:
Table of Contents
1. They Avoid Intimacy
Emotional intimacy requires openness and vulnerability, two traits which many find uncomfortable. Therefore, people who lack emotional intimacy tend to shy away from discussing deeper topics related to emotions while instead preferring surface-level topics for conversation.
However, it can be hard to know whether someone truly means it when they express how much they care, since they might never talk about negative emotions such as sadness and anger.
These actions could include ignoring you, picking fights with you, not answering texts or calls from you or giving the silent treatment. These measures are their way of avoiding intimacy; it’s as though they want the highs of a loving relationship without experiencing its lows of being vulnerable.
2. They Avoid Commitment
It should be a red flag if someone seems unwilling or unable to commit. They could be trying to avoid exclusivity commitment or asking you for your hand in marriage; or simply they might not be ready or willing to put in the effort required for a healthy relationship.
Emotionally unavailable people tend to avoid relationships because they fear getting attached and being let down, according to Pearson. This makes them reluctant to get close or share details about themselves with you; some might even choose not to introduce you to family and friends so as to maintain some distance if the relationship doesn’t seem serious enough or may even ghost you altogether if they think there’s not enough mutual attraction between the two of you.
3. They Avoid Conversations About Their Relationship
Emotionally unavailable people may display affection in public but are reluctant to refer to you as their partner or discuss plans for the future. Instead, they tend to dismiss any feelings by quickly shifting blame or gaslighting you.
“These methods of communicating aren’t healthy in relationships,” states Zarrabi. Instead, individuals who are emotionally available should be open to discussing both positive and negative experiences together and will respect your need for emotional reciprocity.
Emotionally available partners make a point of communicating openly and often about their feelings with you, no matter the topic of discussion. If your partner avoids deep dialogue and keeps their emotions hidden away from view, it may be time for reconsideration of the relationship.
4. They Avoid Intimacy With You
Emotionally unavailable people tend to avoid intimacy in any form, from physical contact and sexual relationships to intimate conversations and emotional closeness, according to Torres-Mackie. They may fear being vulnerable and having difficulty feeling empathy towards others as a result of past trauma or their inability to empathize, she suggests.
If discussing feelings is like pulling teeth or yields only negative responses from your partner, this could be a telltale sign they struggle to empathize. Or they may simply not be ready or available to move the relationship forward.
Timing can also be used as an excuse, with statements like, “it’s just not the right time for me”, as an attempt to divert responsibility and keep you emotionally attached.
5. They Avoid Commitment
Emotionally available people tend to show their support when something positive arises in your life, according to Pearson. They will be there when your big promotion arrives or they text you a congrats on winning Fantasy Football; showing that your relationship remains important.
On the other hand, if they shy away from introducing you to their friends or family members, this could be an indicator that they don’t want to commit. They could fear losing their independence or feeling like second-rate citizens; yet they crave intimacy yet fear commitment; it creates internal conflict that results in inconsistency, with affectionate acts one day followed by distant acts the next.
6. They Avoid Conversations About Their Relationship
Emotionally available people are open to discussing their relationship and are more likely to show their appreciation by offering apology for mistakes they’ve made and doing what’s necessary to put things right again.
An emotionally unavailable individual may struggle to feel their emotions or understand those of others, often dismissing or invalidating your emotions with jokes or sarcastic comments that minimize or negate them, or they may try to shame you for feeling what they do.
They may be reluctant to include you in their long-term plans, which signals they are not committed to the relationship.
7. They Avoid Intimacy With You
Emotionally unavailable people tend to associate intimacy with pain. Therefore, they may try and avoid making plans with you or showing their affection in public by making excuses about being too busy for you.
They may be reluctant to show you their messy apartment or interact with their core group of friends; if you sense they’re keeping something from you, that should serve as a warning sign.
Such behavior may be troubling, but always remember that you deserve emotional reciprocity in relationships that uplift you. Sometimes walking away may be the best choice – the last thing you want is someone committing or showing affection who won’t.
8. They Avoid Commitment
Fear of intimacy and commitment are often at the root of emotional unavailability in relationships, whether those are short term, married, or abusive partners – making them reluctant to allow anyone deeper access into their life.
Avoiding titles like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, and being unwilling to introduce you into their circle of friends are sure signs that someone has difficulty with commitment. Perhaps this is their way of keeping distance and delaying any long-term plans with you.
As individuals, we all deserve emotional reciprocity and relationships that nurture us; therefore it’s crucial that early signs are recognized so they can be removed quickly from unhealthy patterns and wean yourself off them for good. Your mental and emotional well-being must always come first.
