Communication is at the core of every healthy relationship; however, some couples can struggle with communicating effectively.
Misunderstandings and arguments can become part of the fabric of relationships, yet communication problems can often be fixed with just a bit of extra work and dedication. Here are 10 Tips to Improve Communication With Your Partner: 1. Listen actively
1. Be Listening
Communication doesn’t only involve talking. Be attentive when your partner is speaking and turn off any unnecessary distractions; listen attentively as they share their stories and feelings, then reflect back what was said back to them.
Keep an eye on your body language as well, checking your phone or fidgeting may indicate you’re not listening properly and should prompt further clarification requests to ensure the best understanding.
2. Paraphrase
Paraphrasing can be an effective way of showing that you understand what someone else said and avoiding plagiarism. To paraphrase a sentence, carefully read it back through and rewrite in your own words the ideas from that paragraph or sentence using synonyms, changing parts of speech or rearrange sentences to create your own unique version.
Be it academics or professionals, sometimes text must be rephrased to make it more comprehensible for readers and target the appropriate audiences. Be sure to cite your sources; perhaps at the end of a passage.
3. Ask for Clarification
Effective communication means more than simply hearing words; it involves understanding and respecting each other’s perspectives. By seeking clarifications when necessary, misunderstandings and assumptions can be avoided and minimized.
Clarifying statements during conflicts can also help avoid blame when discussing them, which can escalate arguments and obstruct productive dialogue. Phrases like, “I need you to stop blaming me,” can make your partner feel validated while permitting them to express their emotions freely without feeling attacked by your words or accusations.
Asking for clarification demonstrates your commitment to building deeper connections with your partner. Doing this shows them you value their thoughts and emotions.
4. Ask Questions
As soon as you began dating, chances are you spent late evenings talking and exchanging open-ended questions that allowed for conversation and deeper relationship formation. But as time has progressed and your relationship matured, more transactional questions may have arisen such as, “Did you put the electric bill on Autopay?”
Questions that promote dialogue allow your partner to open up about their emotions and experiences with you, helping to avoid miscommunication that leads to conflict. Here are some great questions to start off your discussion:
5. Don’t Blame
Blaming can be one of the most destructive communication behaviors, particularly for couples. Blaming can erode trust between you and create more issues down the line.
As it’s essential that both parties involved exercise self-control during conversations in order to avoid playing the blame game, try listening without interrupting and being understanding when listening to your partner without interjecting or invalidating their emotions. Doing this will prevent gaslighting which is an unfortunate reality of many relationships as well as help both of you find solutions together. Likewise, avoid placing blame for events happening outside your relationship on one person.
6. Keep it Positive
Couples tend to assume their partner can read their mind when it comes to understanding what they need, yet this assumption can often lead to miscommunication and anger between partners.
Practice nonjudgment when discussing your needs with your partner and attempt to be honest yet kind; this can help de-escalate any arguments and prevent revisiting old issues.
Start each conversation off on an upbeat note and focus on one subject at a time to avoid becoming overwhelmed by too many ideas and emotions at once – which may obstruct finding solutions.
7. Stay Focused
While you should always remain engaged in their conversation, being distracted by electronic devices may make your partner feel disregarded and neglected. Instead, be fully immersed in what they have to say by turning off all electronic distractions and being present for their story.
Pay attention to their words, tone and body language to better comprehend their message. Focus on the positive attributes of their personalities to encourage positivity (Barbara Fredrickson (2003)), helping defuse emotional conflict. Also try scheduling regular check-ins so you can discuss any issues before they escalate and threaten your relationship.
8. Remember Your Partner’s Needs
Be open and honest in your communications, but always consider what is important for your partner as well. Be sure to exchange ideas in a way that is both direct and kind to help avoid misunderstandings and potential conflict.
Try not to make assumptions about what your partner thinks and feels; this can often result in hurtful accusations and accusations of cheating. Instead, ask directly what their thoughts and emotions are; listen closely as they answer. Establish communication “rituals”, such as daily check-ins to build stronger connections within your relationship.
9. Set Some Boundaries
Establishing boundaries is a key component of effective communication, yet can be challenging to broach when you fear hurting someone’s feelings or creating conflict.
Sommerfeldt advises taking steps to relax before having this conversation, which will ensure a constructive dialogue rather than reactive responses. She further suggests setting regular check-in conversations to discuss whether your boundaries are working effectively – these meetings could take place weekly or monthly but remain essential steps toward making sure both partners remain on the same page.
10. Don’t Blame Yourself
Many couples struggle with unhealthy communication patterns that include blaming, making assumptions, attacking one another or revisiting past issues.
Sommerfeldt advises individuals to first calm themselves and explore their emotions prior to engaging in any discussion with their partners on an issue, in order to prevent things from getting heated during an exchange and make finding solutions easier.
Avoid taking responsibility for what your partner has done even if you think they should.
